Inspired By: Devon Dadoly

I can confidently say that we don’t operate like the “champagne and pearls” type of studios I’m used to seeing on Instagram. We invite folks to take the leap and come as they are, not wait to become who they think they should be in order to have a session. I try to share photos of lots of different bodies in lots of different outfits (boudoir does NOT just mean lingerie or nude) because it’s important for me to reinforce that we are here to break down barriers and reset the standard for what “boudoir” is. We also try to show our faces a lot on our feeds and actively communicate with our followers so folks can get a sense of who they'll be spending time with in the studio. Additionally, I’m always reading up on new ways to reduce harm and sharpen my trauma-informed lens in the studio.

Some things I’ve asked friends who’ve been questioning participating in a session: Think about what it would look like for you to be “ready” for a boudoir shoot. Are you smaller? Why? Are you “more confident”? What does that mean? Do you look different than you do right now? How? Personally, I’ve never had anyone regret a session, but almost everyone who was hesitant at first wished they’d done the session sooner!

I talk about this ALL THE TIME. I could go on forever about these topics, but for this blog, I’m going to focus on my personal body journey. Also, this is not a comprehensive reflection - I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of thoughts right now. I wasn’t always in a body this size - it’s been less than ten years that I would consider myself as living in a fat body, and it’s been less than 3 years that I've actually been accepting of that. I never had many friends in larger bodies growing up either, so the concept of body positivity didn’t even enter my world until a few years ago. Knowing what I know now, these schools of thought are welcome to anybody, however, it is imperative that marginalized folks should be uplifted and centered within these spaces.

STAGE 1 - BODY POSITIVITY 

At first, body positivity gave me hope. It gave me community and allowed me to become a better friend to myself. Without it, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am today. That being said, body positivity was just a stepping stone on my journey to body acceptance and neutrality. 

Body Positivity (née Fat Acceptance Movement) is a social movement created for and by Black women, trans folks and disabled folks who have little (if any) visibility in society. Originating back to the 1960s, the original intention of the movement was to shed light on stigma and discrimination towards these communities and eliminate bias. More recently, the Body Positivity movement has been co-opted by thin, mostly white-centered, ableist spaces (heath and wellness, beauty, fashion, marketing) for financial gain, clout, and performative allyship. Similar buzzwords I take umbrage with are “inclusive” “accessibility” and “safe space”. Over the years, body positivity lost its luster for me. I was finding it hard to maintain a connection to myself when the bodies entering “body positive” spaces no longer looked like mine (outside of my skin color).

STAGE 2 - BODY NEUTRALITY

As my search for community widened, I realized that body positivity wasn’t the destination, and there had to be concepts beyond that. The thought leaders and influencers I was following were unabashedly talking about fatness. At first, I was horrified with the idea that someone would want to claim that title (I was much more comfortable with identifying as plus size) but eventually I understood why using the word was important. Reclaiming fatness was yet another step on the journey to body and fat acceptance. I started to see that body positivity was no longer achievable, and that even using the term positivity in connection to my body image became exhausting. The truth is, I’m not always positive about my body, and I find it much easier to tune it out. For me, body neutrality meant shutting down my opinions about my body and turning on the care for my mental health. Eventually this way of thinking stopped serving me as well. I wanted a way to connect my mental health and my body connection.

STAGE 3 - BODY/FAT ACCEPTANCE

In my world, body and fat acceptance is a merging of self-care/self-love practices in both physical form and mental/emotional form. Reaching this stage helped me to understand that I could have equilibrium in my body image and mental health. No longer was I limited to the idea that I couldn’t have one without the other. Acceptance is such a great word. To me, it’s achievable. Because I accept a lot of things in my life - things I don’t like, things I do like and things that I’m neutral about. Lately, I find myself bouncing back and forth between body acceptance and body neutrality.

I think that everyone, I mean literally everyone, needs to examine their bias surrounding bodies as they relate to race, ability, size, gender, etc. Once we are able to name and talk about our biases, then we need to learn from and listen to the stories of folks in different bodies than our own.

That being said, there are a few things in particular that I’d like to address regarding fatness and accessibility:

Fashion

When shopping in stores, examine the largest size available on the rack. There are very few options (let alone stylish ones) available in popular stores or in their online catalogue above an XXL or 2X. Advocate for extended sizing (5X+) to be available.Advocate for larger and extended sizing in sustainable clothing. Most extended size clothing available is considered “fast fashion”. There’s a lot of criticism easily thrown at folks who don’t shop sustainable, which is horribly classist and ableist. Sustainable fashion in extended sizing (5X+) just isn’t available. There are some great companies that are doing sustainable fashion for fat folks, and doing it really well, but there needs to be a push for more of that.Fashion labels need to consult with real folks, or even designers, in marginalized bodies (fat, disabled, etc.) when designing. Lots of brands’ extended sizing is not made to fit actual fat bodies (waistbands don’t extend far enough, not enough room between waistband and crotch, shoulders aren’t cut wide enough, not enough wiggle room for larger bellies with small appendages).

Furniture

It’s easy to look past the fact that your furniture is not built stable enough for larger bodies when you exist in a small one. Do you have stable furniture to accommodate folks larger than you? Chairs with arms… not always great.

That’s all I can think of for now, but I’m sure I’m missing a bunch of things.