Three Tips For a More Fulfilling Sex Life from a Sexologist & Relationship Coach, Brittany Policastro
Sex is often a topic that is neatly tucked away like a fitted sheet only to appear when we are in the bedroom under all the covers. And even then, there isn’t much talking. Yet it is something most of us do on a regular basis. In order to have more fulfilling sex, we need to open ourselves up to having an actual conversation about it. Recently, we sat down with sexologist & relationship coach, Brittany Policastro, to get her advice on how to create a more fulfilling sex life.
Tip # 1: Communication is Key
As I said above, in order to have a fulfilling sex life we have to open ourselves up to talking with our partner about what we like, what feels good, what we’d like to explore. Even couples that have amazing communication skills in general can struggle with this. We just aren’t encouraged to talk about it and often we don’t want to hurt our partner’s feelings or make them think we aren’t enjoying our time with them.
What if you thought of it this way- you and your partner both want each other to experience the most pleasure possible, right? Well if that is true then letting them know what could increase your pleasure is helping that to happen. I like to have couples look at each other and make that statement- “I’m invested in you experiencing the most pleasure possible.” This way you are giving each other space to express yourselves in alignment with this intention. This is a great place to begin.
Tip # 2: Redefine Your Idea of What an Orgasm Is
We are taught that an orgasm is the climax that often represents the end of a sexual encounter and as a result said encounter just becomes a race to that climax. Because we are told what an orgasm is and how we should be experiencing it, if we don’t fit that criteria we can feel like a failure and if we DO meet that criteria we may stop exploring because we think we’ve reached the peak and there isn’t anywhere else to go.
What if we started thinking about an orgasm as a peak of pleasure? So instead of this climactic burst it becomes a wave of pleasure that we can breath and relax into, explore and expand. Our bodies are capable of more pleasure than we often realize and it’s really easy to get stuck on something that works for us and not move beyond that. However when we open up to the possibility of what is beyond our comfort zone more fulfilling sex is right around the corner.
Tip # 3: Expand Your Definition of Sex
Often times sex is thought of as one very specific act that happens between a heterosexual couple and involves (there’s no other way to say it) penetration. But this is only one form of sex and when thought of in this way can be incredibly limiting, not to mention excluding to a lot of people.
For example if every time you engage with your partner you feel like you have to have penetrative sex you may be less likely to engage at all. That is a particular energy and a particular feel. Instead, consider all the other ways you could connect with your partner in any given encounter. All the ways you could experience pleasure. Also consider your needs at that moment. Is your need for connection or physical touch or a release or to simply to have fun? Let your needs help you to navigate how you want to play. This can lead to more connected and intimate encounters that take the pressure off of performing or expectations of things needing to be a very specific way.
So there you have it. You may have been expecting tips that gave you specific moves or adventurous positions and while that can be fun, it doesn’t really get to the root of how to transform our sex lives. Most of it has to do with how we think about and approach sex as well as how we feel about ourselves. As we start to shift our understanding and begin to educate ourselves more about our bodies and what they are capable of a world of possibilities open up and sex can shift from something we keep neatly nestled away into a pleasure filled experience we can’t wait to talk about.